I found myself in another mess this week, and it goes by the name Kent, TX. I should mention that if there's the faintest chance that anyone reading this post years from now is from Kent, then I'm sorry, but you live in a shithole. In fact, given the general decline of the area and projecting a similar trend, it should be even worse now. But that can't be possible. 1st Advice: You (the sole reader from Kent) should really think about packing up and moving out of town; hell, go anywhere. Find any job. Pump gas in Van Horn. Anything. The world's a crap-ton nicer than you think it is. 2nd Advice: Don't marry someone from Kent; you'll be stuck there forever.
^ All that had to be said.
So guess what. I had to drive through this town on my way back to Tucson. The drive was going swimmingly until I started noticing my fuel level dropping quickly. Oh yes readers, you can see where this is going. Now, as a bit of a background, I've always been worried about running out of petrol in the middle of west Texas. Why?
- Because there's nothing there. Towns, and that's in the loosest sense of the word, are 100's of miles apart, so you'll be pretty much on your own. See map.
- There's no cell reception. So if you do break down, you can't call AAA or any recovery vehicle to help you. Plus I have at&t, so I'm doubly fucked. Even in the comparative metropolis of Tucson I barely get a bar.
- It's 100 F and a desert. If you try walking, you're not going to get far. Oh, and there are vultures.
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| I also don't know what the brown's actually meant to represent. Phhhh. Details. |
So I started getting an uneasy feeling when I was doing less than 20 mpg, when I normally get 30ish. I figured it was me driving like a boss and bombing it at 85 mph. I made the effort to slow down by tapping the cruise control button at least 10 times (driving is such hard work). I then saw a sign for Kent, TX in 16 miles, and Van Horn (a bigger town) in 68 or some far-arse-mile distance. I looked down at my fuel gauge. No need to panic at the moment. I still had some 4 gallons left.
* Dramatic cut to 10 minutes later *
After obnoxiously singing 'Bat out of Hell' during the interlude, I concentrated back on the fuel situation. I couldn't believe what I saw. My 'fuel low' light was on, and I had only a gallon left! What the fuck has happened?!? Was this your doing Meat Loaf?!? The situation was now officially serious. You know, the red coloured pie shape at the airports. Not that pathetic 'high' orange one. (I prefer the red one: Intimate pat-downs are the norm, and there's nothing like a good frisking to wake you up in the morning. Starbucks should seriously incorporate something similar in their business model). I suddenly went from thinking I could get to Van Horn, to now wondering whether I could get to Kent, which was still some 5 miles away.
The next few miles were pretty terrifying. I thought about the bullet points listed above. Was I going to have to walk for fuel? Whilst these light-natured thoughts of being found in a ditch were swirling in my head, I didn't notice the exit with a gas station on the other side until it was too late.
SHIT! But it's OK. I just passed a sign saying Kent in 3 miles. "I'll find a gas station in this lovely little town" I told myself. A couple of miles down the road, I saw a big Chevron sign! Yes! A great sense of relief flooded over me. Phew. That was a real close one. All I had to do was exit at the next junction, and it's right there!
This is what anyone would have expected to see:
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| The only issue you might be having is why is it such an old photo. Read on... sigh. |
Of course my life isn't that simple. When I got off at the exit, I suddenly realised that something wasn't right. Firstly there were no cars there, and no activity whatsoever. My jubilation quickly turned to despair when I pretty much saw this:
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| Cosy if you're Hannibal Lecter |
A burnt-out station. I felt sick. I had a half gallon of fuel left and decided to get to Kent proper. I figured I had a few miles left, and so I was praying to the god of gas stations that there would be another one in Kent.
Well let me tell you something readers. Kent, TX does not exist. There is literally nothing there. I don't know what has happened, but there must have been a fire / swarm of locusts / the apocalypse, or all of the above to completely wipe out this hellhole. All this town does now is crush hopes and looks like something out of Mad Max.
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| No-one knows exactly when the fire actually happened; research suggests early 2000's. What we can be sure of is that it did happen, and it was all-destroying. |
I had driven through Kent, saw nothing, and drove past a sign for Van Horn only. That may as well have been a million miles away. I was never going to get there. I had to turn around and try and make it to that original gas station that I saw and accidentally passed. However, that was now some 8 miles in the opposite direction.
I was now certain I was going to have to ditch the car and at some point walk to the station for fuel. I needed to be close though. Even 2 miles out would have taken me an hour to get there and back. Anymore, especially in 100 F was going to be difficult. Would I have to hitchhike to the station? I didn't particularly like that option either. I'm too pretty for that shit. Then I remembered something. My bike is on the back of this car! Relief swept back! I'd never loved my bike more! Suddenly I thought I could cycle there, despite it being an 80 mph highway, meaning people were doing 90. But I had already decided that was the best option. I could cycle the 8 miles there already, so every mile I got closer in my car was now just a bonus.
I did something I shouldn't have done. I couldn't wait for the next exit. I pulled a U-turn across the central divide (it was just grass) and up on the other side of the freeway. The good thing about Kent is that there aren't many cars, primarily because there isn't actually a town there.
A truck passed me. I suddenly remembered a conversation that my Dad and I had on skype only a couple of weeks ago. We found out that if you get behind a truck, you save 30% on fuel by drafting him. However, I also remembered you had to get within 10 ft of him. Dangerous, but I was in survival mode at this point. I got right up close to him, and drafted him for as long as possible before I was going to have to ditch, lock and cycle for petrol. One mile ticked past, 7 miles left. My 'fuel low' light suddenly turned off. What does that even mean?!? I was still going though. I was on fumes.
2 miles passed, then 3. The car was still going. 4 passed. The fuel gauge was at rock bottom. I pulled my water bottles out my cooler. I was going to need these at any moment. 5 miles came and went! 5 miles!! The car is still going! I suddenly had thoughts that I might be able to make this, against all the odds. With a mile to go, I saw the gas station in the distance. It was right there! I was going to make it!!!
The car spluttered up the final hill, but now I could coast to the gas station! I pulled off at the exit, and straight into the functional station. I'd never been so happy to see a 'Fear God' bumper sticker. It meant that another person, albeit slightly crazy, was filling up. The pumps were working!!!
I put 15 2/3 gallons into my 16 gallon tank. Cutting it fine? I also eventually found out why I lost so much petrol. Obviously on-route, the fuel cap had come off, and so I'd been evaporating fuel as well as burning it. I'm amazed I didn't run out of petrol sooner. There was only one thing left to do; I made sure the cap was fully tightened and I finally put Kent, TX in my mirrors.
I still blame Meat Loaf.
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| Mapping your problems is meant to be calming. I found this infuriating. Click to enlarge. |
