Keep Calm!

Well readers, I must say goodbye for now. I know, I know; you're going to miss me. I'll miss you a little in return. You're just going to have to go on without epic posts in your life. Posts about running out of fuel, but then not really; and losing $800, but then not really. Honestly, it's like I'm typing gold.

Sure, it's going to be difficult (I can't sugar-coat that), but what I have done is design some posters to help. If you're ever in doubt over what to do, read your respective poster.

I'm quite popular

I'm sure I'll come back with some fantastic stories about how I got eaten by lions / trampled by giraffes / became the alpha male in a zebra herd. You know I will.

Ken-YEAH!!!

There's only despair in Kent, TX

I found myself in another mess this week, and it goes by the name Kent, TX. I should mention that if there's the faintest chance that anyone reading this post years from now is from Kent, then I'm sorry, but you live in a shithole. In fact, given the general decline of the area and projecting a similar trend, it should be even worse now. But that can't be possible. 1st Advice: You (the sole reader from Kent) should really think about packing up and moving out of town; hell, go anywhere. Find any job. Pump gas in Van Horn. Anything. The world's a crap-ton nicer than you think it is. 2nd Advice: Don't marry someone from Kent; you'll be stuck there forever.

^ All that had to be said.

So guess what. I had to drive through this town on my way back to Tucson. The drive was going swimmingly until I started noticing my fuel level dropping quickly. Oh yes readers, you can see where this is going. Now, as a bit of a background, I've always been worried about running out of petrol in the middle of west Texas. Why? 

1. Because there's nothing there. Towns, and that's in the loosest sense of the word, are 100's of miles apart, so you'll be pretty much on your own. See map.
2. There's no cell reception. So if you do break down, you can't call AAA or any recovery vehicle to help you. Plus I have at&t, so I'm doubly fucked. Even in the comparative metropolis of Tucson I barely get a bar.
3. It's 100 F and a desert. If you try walking, you're not going to get far. Oh, and there are vultures.

I also don't know what the brown's actually meant to represent. Phhhh. Details.

So I started getting an uneasy feeling when I was doing less than 20 mpg, when I normally get 30ish. I figured it was me driving like a boss and bombing it at 85 mph. I made the effort to slow down by tapping the cruise control button at least 10 times (driving is such hard work). I then saw a sign for Kent, TX in 16 miles, and Van Horn (a bigger town) in 68 or some far-arse-mile distance. I looked down at my fuel gauge. No need to panic at the moment. I still had some 4 gallons left.

* Dramatic cut to 10 minutes later *

After obnoxiously singing 'Bat out of Hell' during the interlude, I concentrated back on the fuel situation. I couldn't believe what I saw. My 'fuel low' light was on, and I had only a gallon left! What the fuck has happened?!? Was this your doing Meat Loaf?!? The situation was now officially serious. You know, the red coloured pie shape at the airports. Not that pathetic 'high' orange one. (I prefer the red one: Intimate pat-downs are the norm, and there's nothing like a good frisking to wake you up in the morning. Starbucks should seriously incorporate something similar in their business model).  I suddenly went from thinking I could get to Van Horn, to now wondering whether I could get to Kent, which was still some 5 miles away.

The next few miles were pretty terrifying. I thought about the bullet points listed above. Was I going to have to walk for fuel? Whilst these light-natured thoughts of being found in a ditch were swirling in my head, I didn't notice the exit with a gas station on the other side until it was too late. SHIT! But it's OK. I just passed a sign saying Kent in 3 miles. "I'll find a gas station in this lovely little town" I told myself. A couple of miles down the road, I saw a big Chevron sign! Yes! A great sense of relief flooded over me. Phew. That was a real close one. All I had to do was exit at the next junction, and it's right there!

This is what anyone would have expected to see:

The only issue you might be having is why is it such an old photo. Read on... sigh.

Of course my life isn't that simple. When I got off at the exit, I suddenly realised that something wasn't right. Firstly there were no cars there, and no activity whatsoever. My jubilation quickly turned to despair when I pretty much saw this:

Cosy if you're Hannibal Lecter

A burnt-out station. I felt sick. I had a half gallon of fuel left and decided to get to Kent proper. I figured I had a few miles left, and so I was praying to the god of gas stations that there would be another one in Kent.

Well let me tell you something readers. Kent, TX does not exist. There is literally nothing there. I don't know what has happened, but there must have been a fire / swarm of locusts / the apocalypse, or all of the above to completely wipe out this hellhole. All this town does now is crush hopes and looks like something out of Mad Max.

No-one knows exactly when the fire actually happened; research suggests early 2000's. What we can be sure of is that it did happen, and it was all-destroying.

I had driven through Kent, saw nothing, and drove past a sign for Van Horn only. That may as well have been a million miles away. I was never going to get there. I had to turn around and try and make it to that original gas station that I saw and accidentally passed. However, that was now some 8 miles in the opposite direction.

I was now certain I was going to have to ditch the car and at some point walk to the station for fuel. I needed to be close though. Even 2 miles out would have taken me an hour to get there and back. Anymore, especially in 100 F was going to be difficult.  Would I have to hitchhike to the station? I didn't particularly like that option either. I'm too pretty for that shit. Then I remembered something. My bike is on the back of this car! Relief swept back! I'd never loved my bike more! Suddenly I thought I could cycle there, despite it being an 80 mph highway, meaning people were doing 90. But I had already decided that was the best option. I could cycle the 8 miles there already, so every mile I got closer in my car was now just a bonus.

I did something I shouldn't have done. I couldn't wait for the next exit. I pulled a U-turn across the central divide (it was just grass) and up on the other side of the freeway. The good thing about Kent is that there aren't many cars, primarily because there isn't actually a town there.

A truck passed me. I suddenly remembered a conversation that my Dad and I had on skype only a couple of weeks ago. We found out that if you get behind a truck, you save 30% on fuel by drafting him. However, I also remembered you had to get within 10 ft of him. Dangerous, but I was in survival mode at this point. I got right up close to him, and drafted him for as long as possible before I was going to have to ditch, lock and cycle for petrol. One mile ticked past, 7 miles left. My 'fuel low' light suddenly turned off. What does that even mean?!? I was still going though. I was on fumes.

2 miles passed, then 3. The car was still going. 4 passed. The fuel gauge was at rock bottom. I pulled my water bottles out my cooler. I was going to need these at any moment. 5 miles came and went! 5 miles!! The car is still going! I suddenly had thoughts that I might be able to make this, against all the odds. With a mile to go, I saw the gas station in the distance. It was right there! I was going to make it!!!

The car spluttered up the final hill, but now I could coast to the gas station! I pulled off at the exit, and straight into the functional station. I'd never been so happy to see a 'Fear God' bumper sticker. It meant that another person, albeit slightly crazy, was filling up. The pumps were working!!!

I put 15 2/3 gallons into my 16 gallon tank. Cutting it fine? I also eventually found out why I lost so much petrol. Obviously on-route, the fuel cap had come off, and so I'd been evaporating fuel as well as burning it. I'm amazed I didn't run out of petrol sooner. There was only one thing left to do; I made sure the cap was fully tightened and I finally put Kent, TX in my mirrors.

I still blame Meat Loaf.   

Mapping your problems is meant to be calming. I found this infuriating. Click to enlarge.

Day 3: The Run Down into Osoyoos (72)

As promised here is what Day 3 might look like. This day should be a really nice ride and would comprise of a large downhill section that takes up 50 of the 72 miles. It would almost be a day off, especially if it wasn't for a late Cat-4 into Osoyoos. But I guess we have to do some climbing. It is the Rockies after all.

The 50 mile downhill is at an average gradient of  -0.3%. It's not much, but it'll feel great and allow us to go at a good pace. The Cat 4 is a 2.3 mile; 4% climb. Along the route there is the South Okanagan Grasslands Area. This should be really beautiful, provided, unlike the name suggests, there's more than just grass there.

All in all an 'easy' day, and one that should take no more than 4-5 hrs cycling.

Proposed Route - Day 3

Beautiful Osoyoos; Canada's only desert?!?

Elevation Profile - Day 3

In other news, I made it back from Houston, but not without incident. I feel a post coming on...

$800: Continued

I got confirmation today that I am indeed moving out on the 8th. What made me laugh though was this note at the bottom of the page:

Pretty sure this was said through gritted teeth. Anyway, I'll be posting Day 3 route soon, so we'll be back on track and leaving this sorry show behind.

$800: How I had, lost, fought, and regained it.

This has little to do with the BC tour, except in the sense that as of right now I can fund myself again. Oh, and how now that $200 hammock doesn't seem expensive at all. I guess it is an important aspect of any tour; do we have the funds required?

Now I'm not saying that $800 will get me all the way there and back, but it'll sure help. Nor am I saying I actually physically fought for the money on some street. It's nothing that exciting or violent, yet street-fighting for it may have been easier.

NOTICE: If you're only interested in cycling, and not my messed up life, Congrats! You've finished this post. If others want to hear how I totally bullied a large housing company into submission, read on gentle reader:

It's about my apartment complex in Houston, and how these soulless individuals in charge want to take my money, change it into $1 bills, and rub it all over their naked bodies. Sick I know. It all started on Monday when I got a call saying that my move-out was the 28th August, when in fact my lease ends on the 8th August. Confusion erupted, and it took a while to realise what they were telling me. Apparently my move-out notice was late. I told them they must be mistaken; I handed my notice in 40 days before I wanted to move out. This was the kicker: they told me notice was due 60 days in advance. Now this seemed crazy to me. I have an apartment for 3 months and you want me to tell you 2 months in advance that I'm moving out. I should have just wrote to them that first day! They kept telling me that it was 'industry standard'. I kept saying 'this is a scam'. The next 10 minutes followed a similar dialogue.

So the end result was this; 1) I owed another 20 days rent ($800), 2) They weren't nice people and so weren't going to let me go early, despite a reasonable 40 day notice, and 3) apparently there was nothing I could do about it.

I beg to differ.

I brought up the lease and pretended that I was a lawyer. A great lawyer. I felt like Tom Cruise in 'A Few Good Men', determined to find a 'code red'. And boy did I find it! It mentioned in the lease that they had to give me notice of my notice (confused yet?), and if they didn't, then 30 days notice would be all that's required. You may have guessed, but I received no notice.

Imagine these gestures over the phone. I was Tom Cruise. The company was Jack Nicholson.

Tuesday rolls around (today). By now I should mention that a lot of money has been taken out of my account because I'm not due to leave until the 28th. I phoned them and voiced my findings. I got a variety of excuses: 1) "Oh, that's a courtesy notice, we don't have to give you that". LIE 1. 2) "We sent you an email". A moot point. In the lease it clearly says 'written notice' and that emails don't count as written.

They went back and forth on these two arguements, until they thought up another one: 3) "It's not fair. Other people have been in this situation, and had to pay it, so we can't give you the money". This one really pissed me off.

I politely told her that she was useless, and wanted to speak to her manager. She accepted. I mention all this again (I'm skipping to the chase), but the manager said an identical thing. This is where I really got clever:

Statement 1:
"I find it really interesting that other people are in a similar situation and don't realise they're exempt due to what's written in the lease. I think it would be very interesting if someone mentioned this to them, because you know, they're all on these apartment websites, so it's really easy to get a hold of them".

Statement 2:
"You can reach me at work through this landline, but sometimes it doesn't connect correctly. I guess that's what happens within a really big corporation like ConocoPhillips".

Statement 3:
"I don't want to bad-mouth this apartment company, but let's just say I'm in recruiting and I refer a lot of people to various housing complexes within Houston. I'd hate to have to say don't go to your one". OK, so that last one was a lie, but I was on a roll!

She responded: "OK, what is it you exactly want again?"
Me: "To amicably resolve this situation, without it having to go further" (Code for: "Give my goddamn money back")
Manager: "OK, I'll call my lawyer and give you a call back".

Five Minutes Later:
"OK, as a gesture of kindness we're going to end your lease on the 8th"

And that's how I had, lost, fought for and regained my $800.

Thoughts on Hammocks

Not a very original title, but it's late. I'm only human dammit! I'm sure you're all interested to know what I've been thinking about this last week regarding the tour (yeah, right). Well the answer is not much. It's the end of my internship this week, so organising and giving presentations have taken up most my time. However, "not much" isn't nothing, and with my trip to Kenya coming up, I've been thinking more about the camping aspect of the tour.

As the title suggests I've been looking at hammocks. First of all I feel this may be a better option than carrying a standard tent around with me. In terms of weight and ease of set-up, the hammocks have the advantage (as there are some that don't require poles). 'A mind full of mountains' link explores how David Graf used a hammock on his tour.

I've been mainly checking out prices on Amazon and REI as part of my spare time. Here's a hammock that I currently like the look of:

Not only do I like the look of the hammock, but the totally unnecessary, dominating green title sells it for me. I mean it must be deluxe to have that. On a serious note, this is part of the issue I'm having with hammock, or even tent selection. My height. At 6' 2, most hammocks apparently won't fit me. The number of times I've read "comfortable for people up to 6 ft and 250 lbs" makes me want to scream. Also, what person is less than 6 ft and weighs 250 lbs (113 kg). Whatever.

So this hammock that I've found here is larger than most, and is good for people up to 7 ft. Now we're talking! The price is a downside ($200), but if it's good quality, then it sounds like a deal (compared to the costs of spending nights in hotels / motels / hostels).

UPDATE:
I've just found out that tents are often more expensive (the cheapest, good quality ones are around $300) 

The stats that appeal:

• Set-up in 3 minutes (so they claim)
• Less than 3 1/2 lbs in weight (tents around 7-8 lbs)
• Patent-pending asymmetric shape is designed with a diagonal axis, making the hammock feel longer with a wider sweet spot of comfort
• Patented, easy entry through the bottom—automatically snaps shut behind you as weight tensions the entrance; seals with VELCRO® brand closure
• Patent-pending integral ridgeline maintains the same comfortable shape to keep your back straight and level when resting on the diagonal
• Patented "never-tip" center balance design eliminates instability by entering from the center instead of flipping over the side
• No-see-um mesh provides excellent insect protection and ventilation, and will deflect wind to provide a calm space inside
• Large rainfly provides good coverage
• Nifty gear pocket slides on the ridgeline and stores out of sight behind your head
• Suspension system includes 10 ft. long, 2,700 lb. test low-stretch polyester core ropes
• Hammock folds into an open-air lounger/chair or can be used on the ground as a tent when paired with your hiking poles
• Low-impact Hennessy Hammock design requires no ground leveling, trenching or staking; webbing straps protect tree bark
• Includes stuff sack and setup instructions printed on ripstop nylon bag

Information courtesy of REI. My only concern at present is whether a no-see-um mesh is considered as well to be a mosquito mesh / net, or would I also need to have one of them. Other than that, it sounds like a really good purchase. What does everyone think? Do you think a hammock or tent would be better?